Words like poison

August 11, 2016

Say what you mean and mean what you say. Speak up young lady! I heard those things as a child. I also was very aware that it was okay for my male relatives to say certain things and it was definitely not okay for me to say those very same things. Being the only very little girl in a big family I became aware of a lot of things that were okay for men to do that women were never supposed to do. I didn't like it and constantly questioned it and fought it.  I was often patted on the head and told I was "cute" for wanting to follow my cousins around and my dad and uncles. I wanted to be where the action was, where the swearing and sports and fun was. I certainly found that far more exciting than listening to a bunch of women piss and moan about guys farting and burping. These guys were heros! What were they talking about? They had stories to tell about far away places and made great gestures and often covered my eyes so it had to be amazing. They fought in wars and were colonels and leaders who wouldn't want to be just like these guys? Except nobody wants a little girl hanging out with a bunch of cussing old vets.

 

That being said I learned to never mince words and be more direct than anyone ever should. I am honest to the bone and highly articulate with a lethal vocabulary. Unfortunately I am also not always very tactful and can be a real asshole sometimes. I have an uncanny knack for unleashing venomous attacks on unsuspecting victims when they are most vulnerable. *Crap and whining are diagnosed loosely at whim* Usually after I have tolerated a certain amount crap and my crap o meter is getting full or I have listened to enough whining. I am not a whiner and can't stand it from anyone else either. I have on several occasions accused a few people of needing crainorectal extractions...Not very nice I suppose. I really should just say hey pull up your big kid pants and keep it moving. I don't do that though. I am a cheerleader for a while and then one day poof I just say what the fuck is wrong with you? Mostly because I will never understand why people do the same stupid shit over and over again expecting different results. That is the absolute definition of crazy. Why stay in a shitty marriage? Why stay in the same unsatisfying go no where job? Why piss and moan about what horrible shit you did for the last 20 years? Change it. Evolve and go forward. If you have one leg in yesterday and one leg in tomorrow you are pissing all over today. Don't get me wrong I am loving and nurturing, I just am not a fixer. I never have been. I am not going to baby anyone.

 

People complicate life far too much. They also have more excuses and issues these days than ever before. Keep things simple. That is really all you have to do. I won't ever apologize for the things I say because I do mean them. I will apologize for my tone and angst and frustration because none of us has it all figured out. Everyone has a story to tell and in time they will share it with someone. That is vital to self actualization.  It doesn't make anyone unique (yeah I said it). Everyone has skeletons, some of us have walk in closet fulls vs just a pantry. We make a choice to be positive and move forward or just stew in our own shit using it as a constant crutch. Nobody is going to eat you or kill you. Just your own mind if you let it. Which is why for most people it is a dangerous place to be.

 

On the upside I am continually learning that my sense of humor is growing by leaps and bounds. After my last big verbal snafu I realized that fuck it. You know what? You just cannot control everything in life and I am a massive control freak sometimes. I want what I want when I want it and if I don't get it I throw a hissy fit. I had 86'd my housekeeper over some frustrating issues and bit my tongue about it. So I likely have been hissing at the wrong people for the last 3 days. This happens and only occurs to me later. Of course..Right? DING DING DING....Well another one bites the dust...I likely have alienated 3 people by revealing my inner psycho.

 

 

 

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