Boogie looked up giving me the usual old side-eye that he gives me with his big chocolate brown eyes like I had somehow silently disturbed his slumber with my noisy typing from my end of the couch. "Harumph" he seemed to snort as his laid his muzzle back down in a drool soaked spot on the couch. We had lots to do. We were in a process of cleaning out the clutter (yes I include the dog in everything) and figuring out what next. I had a vague idea of where I was going. I just wasn't 100% sure of where that road would go. I know I am taking a different path. What happens next? Who knows, I do know I can't let anyone else put their intention in my path. That is a struggle. Always has been. I have to honor what is best for me. No matter what happens I have to rely on me. I don't want to get caught up with the cute and fuzzy bunnies and then cost myself opportunities. I would be falling backwards. I need to keep going forward. I have to build my future for myself. I can't do that without more education and dedication to healing. I haven't given the proper amount of time to focusing on what needs to happen. But it will work out, I have a tendency to get overwhelmed.
I need time to breathe, recharge, explore and regroup. I am sensing heavy things and need to alleviate pressure. I need to take Boogie for a really long hike and just wait for everything to clear. Solitude is in order and it is time to retreat for a while. The cute and fuzzy bunnies always start showing up when I think I am figuring shit out. Damn the bunnies. Boogie can't chase them away and they just stand there pointing, laughing, and continually mocking me like every big kid that threw the goddamn dodgeball at me during gym class. You never throw the ball back at that kid because you know they will turn you into a grease spot during lunch. You just brace for the hit and pray that you don't get knocked down too hard like some weird slow motion b movie scene.
September 24, 2014
Sex positive provider and healing negative experiences....